Oh my god, I am so sorry ((((((( That's actually the saddest thing I've read on here, I send my Condolences
Honestly, this is possible one of the worst things I've ever read here. My heart literally dropped when I read this. Keep an eye on your father. Trust me. He might seem fine but the ones who are "alright" usually have a emotional hurricane going on inside. You know I'm here to talk to you about things. I'll be back on later this evening to check.
None of us can really tell you that we know how this feels. Sure, we've all had hurt, and we've all had loss, but our own hurt us far worse than that of those we hear about. I am sincerely sorry about your current family status, and I find myself happy at the same time that you trust and enjoy this community enough to share this heartache. I do not know your religion, ethnicity, orientation, or set of beliefs, but I take it firmly that it will get better from here. If you stay strong and persist through life, regardless of everyone telling you that you won't make it, regardless what your boss thinks of you, regardless if your "friends" are there for you or may occasionally tear you down, and regardless what anyone may say or do to make you feel bad about yourself, if you persist, you'll make it. When you get where ever you are going, your future will flourish from the ash of the past, as burning and broken beginnings leave fertile soil for the prosperous life to take root in, in the future. I can not begin to tell you what to think, or how to feel, or what is a good way to even deal with this, but I can tell you that I'm here for you, as is just about every other person that is a part of this community. PM me if you would like my phone number. I don't know what your timezone allows, but you can text me anytime you like. My Skype is included in my contact details as well. I am a great listener. Together, we can help you press on, and accept the future as promise, and the past as a part of us. I've had my share of losses, but something beautiful has come of it, just as something beautiful will come of you. Personal victories are the ones that count. These are like us, worth fighting for.